|Who's going to pay for this thing?
MOCOW will be open to the public at no charge. So where's the money going to come from? During the planning process we considered several possibilities: bring Ken Lay on board and hire Arthur Anderson to massage the books? Good in the short term, but could be a PR problem. Sell arms to the Axis Of Evil and launder the money through the Cayman Islands? Too much competition from the government for that one to have substantial returns. Sadly, we dont have the liquid assets to make the completely unrelated and totally coincidental campaign contributions that would get us the green light on a bond-issue or tax break, so acquiring City funding could be an uphill battle. Nonetheless, monies for construction and operation will have to come from governmental and corporate sources so that we can follow standard business practices, structuring the project so that all financial risk will fall, ultimately, on the poor and the powerless.
CASHCOW and MOCOW understand that a carefully constructed (if entirely illusory) appearance of financial solvency and responsibility are vital for a project of this size. While we cant reveal any names at this point, we totally promise that some of the biggest-name players in the entertainment world are really interested in working with us to bring this project to fruition.
- Sadly, we dont have the liquid assets to make the completely unrelated and totally coincidental campaign contributions that would get us the green light on a bond-issue or tax break, so no City funding. More brainstorming: bring Ken Lay on board and hire Arthur Anderson to massage the books? Good in the short term, but could be a PR problem. Sell arms to the Axis Of Evil and launder the money through the Cayman Islands? Too much competition from the government for that one to have substantial returns. How about corporate sponsorships? Maybe Disney would want to work up some sort of co-branding synergy? Probably not, but it got us thinking along fresh new lines.
While this could be problematic for the corporations, we havent ruled it out entirely.
Other Corporate Funding:
Our operatives in City Hall, Harrisburg, and Washington DC are floating the idea of a special fund to benefit MOCOW/CASHCOWs plans for nationwide (global?) expansion. Corporate crime is one of the primary growth-centers in our globalized economy and has excellent revenue-generating possibilities for Governments and NGOs at all levels. As only a tiny fraction-of-a-fraction of white-collar crime is ever uncovered and prosecuted, and the fines levied are rarely proportionate to the crimes committed, it is a severely underutilized funding stream.
Our proposal is twofold:
- 1: Add 40% to all corporate fines for first offenses, with the added percentage increasing incrementally by 10% with each repeat offense. All of this money will go directly into the coffers of MOCOW/CASHCOW.
- 2: A three-strikes law for corporations. Any corporation found guilty of committing three felonies will have their charter revoked and, after damaged parties have been compensated, all assets will be donated to MOCOW/CASHCOW.
The City and The Parking Authority (which may or may not be a City agency; nobodys really sure) have already poured millions into the DisneyHole and other high-profile failures, boondoggles, stadiums and pork-barrels. We at MOCOW/CASHCOW< are willing to swear on our mothers graves that the DisneyHole project will be at least as successful as the DisneyQuest project was.
When budget time rolls around the City of Philadelphia might want to consider the fact that MOCOW's museum and theme-park will bring many jobs and countless tourism dollars to a blighted area of Philadelphia. MOCOW< will also provide much-needed entertainment and diversion for Philadelphia residents and Convention Center visitors alike. (this ploy worked for the stadiums, so we figured it was worth a try).